Trust

feet pounding,
pounding the pavement
heart beating,
beating in my chest,
sweat dripping off my face
look behind my shoulder
chasing.
it's chasing me.
*scream*
it grabs me.
falling to the ground
reaching out,
he doesn't save me
crushed, abandoned, alone,
falling.
it has me and it's taking me away
falling, falling,
light appears.
a hand reaches down
the only hand willing to
risk everything for me.
i grab it
its not too late
falling, falling.
it keeps falling,
hand in hand,
i'm dangling,
slipping, our fingers are slipping
lightening flashes
thunder cracks
sit up and look around
moonlit room,
just a dream...



How many times have you woken up from a dream and been scared because it seemed so real? And you can't help but start crying. I've been there many times, and the dreams haven't even been terrifying dreams. Weird, I know. I've been thinking alot lately, unfortunatly about many things. Some happy, but mostly not. Last night something triggered inside of me, and i went off...then i went to my room and cried and cried like i haven't for a long time. The thing is, i wasn't even crying over what triggered insidse of me. I was crying because i feel like i will never be able to get my complete happiness back. Well, that was part of it. So i was up late crying and thinking and partly studying and i woke up this morning and felt miserable, my eyes hurt all day, and i was just sad and thinking. and then i unloaded on Josh, a friend of mine who is very understanding and sees where i'm coming from, and i just really needed that. It felt good to unload on someone. I dont' do that very often but then i got in a happier mood, not totally happy but happier. And it just makes me thankful that i have friends that are willing to listen to me cry, and complain, and be upset and angry to, and just to talk to. You really find out who your true friends are. They either sympathize with you, tell you to buck up and deal with it, or tell you what your doing wrong. Sometimes you need your friends to yell at you. Josh didn't yell at me in any way shape or form lol. He just let me talk and gave me some advice and actually agreed with me. So i was back to feeling better, and now im down in the dumps again. *Sigh* i hate feelings. one minute your feeling good, the next you feel like everythings crashing down. I mean it could be a lot worse. I did have someone remind me that its not all bad, which i needed because they have it a lot worse. Which got my perspective somewhat back in place. But i don't know. I guess i just have to keep on working to be content with everything in my life. It's so hard, especially when you felt something was SO right, and then it turns out all the wrong ways....that you couldn't even possibly have dreamt of. It's like living in a nightmare.

But anyways, I'm pretty much just rambling i was told to update so i'm updating. It's not a very good one, but there ya go. So I might be getting sucked into my school play. 1. I'm a very bad actress. 2. I'm a very bad actress. 3. I have 30 lines to memorize in 1 day IF i have to do this part. and 4. I hate being in front of people on a stage. AHH. lol oh well I guess we'll see how things go, if i even get the part, i said the only way i would do it, is if i was the last and i mean LAST restort. But i'm going now. I think im going to go shopping by myself cuz im cool like that lol...plus i don't feel like being at home at the moment, and i haven't been shopping in forever, and would like to get a few things, and maybe start my Christmas shopping!! I love buying gifts for people even though i have a terrible time picking things out. I have to get my sister a really really good gift this year because she got me the best gift anyone has ever got me. My St. Bernard puppy!! Who by the way is doing very well, he's just a bit mischevious, haha. Alright i'm going now, have a good weekend!!


God Bless!!